Legolas and Dorindil step forward. "The spirit of the humor challenge was twofold," begins Legolas. "First, of course, there was the requirement that the work be, of course, humorous. That is to say, it should make the readers laugh, or at least lighten their hearts, or even be a form of sarcasm such as parody that would still contain some sort of humor."
Dorindil brings out a pie from behind his back and before elven reflexes can react, smashes the pie in the face of the unsuspecting Legolas. "Slapstick comedy was an acceptable version as well." Dorindil explains as he removes the pie tin and tosses it aside.
Legolas scowls through the whipped cream and chocolate pudding. "I hate you."
"The feeling is mutual." Dorindil assures him.
Zu walks into the room, stretching and yawning as she has just woken up. Legolas takes one look at the lady as he wipes whipped cream from his face and bursts out laughing. Dorindil stares wide-eyed at her, trying his best to hold back his laughter.
"What?" Zu asks. Seeing the Mirkwood Prince laughing and pointing at her outfit even though he himself is wearing something less than seemly, she looks down at herself and shrieks. Wearing a large fluffy pastel pink dress with white lace everywhere and big pink bows in her hair, she runs out of the room screeching.
"And unexpected, humourous attempts at revenge by certain Elves is also permitted!"
"No, they are not permitted!" Zu yells back down the hallway, passing by a snickering Elrond as she runs.
Dorindil turns back to the reader hiding his smirk and continues. "The second part was that although writing a work by yourself was just fine, writing as a group was encouraged. This was to promote the bonding of members, and to get those who would not normally work together to do just that." Dorindil scoops up some pie from the Legolas's shoulder and sucks it off of his finger. "I think the results were just delicious. Don't you, Legolas?"
"I still hate you." Pouts Legolas, but he too scoops off some of the pie and sticks his finger into his mouth.
Gildor Inglorion sweeps his cape behind him with flourish. "I have come today, dear reader, to announce the title of this magnificent work. After much deliberation, and the near usage of titles such as 'Story of the Seven Authors and the Day of Doom' and 'What's That in My Pants?', a wise choice was made and the council of ladies agreed upon 'The More The Merrier: All's fair in Love and War'."
Thranduil taps his foot impatiently as he narrows his eyes. "That is not a title. Those are two titles. You will have to choose one."
"Sayeth whom?" challenges Gildor.
"Sayeth whom?" Snorts Thranduil. "You just have to. One story. One title. That's how we do things in Mirkwood."
"When we are in your realm," says Gildor, "We will do things your way. But, we are not, so the title stands as 'The More the Merrier: All's fair in Love and War'."
"We aren't in my realm?" Thranduil looks a bit disappointed. "Exactly where are we, then?"
"In the fairest valley in all of Middle Earth." Declares Gildor. "We are in Imladris."
Thranduil rolls his eyes. "Imladris? That homely house? Oh, forget this, I'm not coming, then." Thranduil walks away as Gildor waves to him.
Elrond steps out onto the stage. Applause is heard throughout the entire group, and finally he says, "Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Elf Mambo Number 5." A funky beat starts up and on the stage the lights slowly come up as Elrond moves to one side of the stage. Along the back, seven ladies have their backs to the audience as one elf steps forward, moving to the beat of the music. He smiles out at the audience before beginning to sing.
"One, two, one, two, three Everybody in the fic, so come on, let's read it's the humor story for the challenge The elves say they want to read it now but I think they will manage Headers sometimes must be read So you aren't mislead Because what they said They like Celeborn, Legolas, Rumil and Haldir They needed an intro, and so they shouted, "Lindir!" So what can I do? I really beg you, my lord To them elving it's just like sport they're all lovers None of them are fighters Send in all of the writers."
Lindir moves along the line of the ladies standing across the back, and as he says each of their names, they turn and regard the audience with a wink or by blowing a kiss or throwing a flower.
"A little bit of Corri in the sun
A little bit of Emmi havin' fun
A little bit of Forest makes me sigh
A little bit of Idhrenwen in the sky
A little bit of Kristin we adore
A little bit of Zhie singin' by the shore
A little bit of Zu written by herself
A little bit of you makes me your elf."
Melpomaen and Terlin walk out, both wearing highly fashionable and fine clothing. "Good evening, afternoon, or morning, depending upon your location, ladies and gentlemen. Tonight, today, or this afternoon, we shall be revealing to you the rating of the Valentine's Day story."
"Hopefully, we'll be 'revealing' a few other things as well." adds Melpomaen, waggling his brows. Terlin looks oddly at the young advisor due to the strange behavior exhibited, but says nothing of it.
"There were a lot of good choices this year," admits Terlin. "NC17, of course, always a hit, and then PG and PG13 were possibilities."
"The R rating also was nominated, and G was given a nod as well." Melpomaen looks off to his left. "The envelope, please." Zu walks up, now in much more elegant attire and without any pink bows in her hair and hands the envelope to Melpomaen with a smile. "Thank you, Zu. And the winner is..." Melpomaen opens the envelope and holds the card to Terlin.
"Oh, this is great! I was hoping for this, but I think to get the full effect.where is the Captain?" asks Terlin, looking into the crowd.
For no apparent reason, Captain Jack Sparrow sashays up from the audience, climbing the steps of the stage as he leads with the pelvis and plucks the card from the elves. "Let me see that card, man." Jack Sparrow -
"Captain Jack Sparrow, luv."
Captain Jack Sparrow squints, holding the card far away from him, before drawing it closer. "Ah, yes. The winner of the ratings and rating of this story is...Arrrr." He hands the card back to Terlin and heads back to his seat.
"What!" Melpomaen grabs the card. "This isn't possible! Elrond promised me NC17 so that I could so my 'Elvish Dance of Love'!"
Elrond strolls up next to Melpomaen, pointing a finger at him. "Perhaps next time you'll do a better job when I ask you to complete the simple task of escorting my daughter to the West!" Elrond pokes Melpomaen in the chest to emphasize his point and walks away.
Melpomaen glances at Terlin. "So...the way he said 'next time'...would that mean I get a second chance at things?"
Terlin pats Melpomaen on the shoulder. "Just let it go..."
"Stop! Cease and desist! I order you to read no further!" Elrond gives his most serious look and says in a low voice. "This story contains a great evil. It is not for the eyes of mortals to bear such folly."
"There is no great evil!" laughs Elladan. "Ada just wants you to stop because of the-" Elrohir slaps his hand over his brother's mouth to hush him.
"Don't spoil the ending, Elladan!" Elrohir releases his hand and looks over at his father, then snickers.
Elladan nods as Elrond rolls his eyes. "Shouldn't we at least warn them about how long it is?" asks Elladan with concern in his voice.
Elrohir nods. "You might want to get comfortable." He advises the reader. "This is a long story, and one you are not going to want to stop reading until you have finished it."
"And even then, you'll probably want to read the entire thing over to spot what you missed the first time." insists Elladan.
"We suggest a nice cozy chair, a roaring fire, some hot cocoa, and someone to cuddle with."
"Then again," interupts Elrond, "you may just want to stop now, since it will be so terribly time consuming. Thanks for reading."
The twins snort as their father walks away with a hopeful gleam in his eyes. "He's just upset about the-" Elladan clamps his hand over Elrohir's mouth.
"You almost let it slip!"
Elrohir smiles sheepishly. "Better just get on with the story before one of us blurts it out, then." He says after Elladan releases his hand, and Elladan nods.
Lindir and the ladies appear on stage once more, dancing together for the second part of their number.
"And laugh and frown and move it all around Shake your head at the noun Note the fragment you found Move one word left And one word right One to the front and one to the side Read it through once And read it through twice And if it looks like this Then you're doing it right
A little bit of Corri in the sun A little bit of Emmi havin' fun A little bit of Forest makes me sigh A little bit of Idhrenwen in the sky A little bit of Kristin we adore A little bit of Zhie singin' by the shore A little bit of Zu written by herself A little bit of you makes me your elf!"
Haldir steps forward. "This is a work of fiction, based partially on characters, events, and places from the writings of J. R. R. Tolkien. No profit is being made from the publication of this work."
"If there was a profit being made," adds Orophin, "then I'd have a million dollars. And if I had a million dollars,"
Rumil steps forward, strumming a guitar and singing to accompany Orophin, "If I had a million dollars,"
"I'd buy you a fur coat,"
"But not a real fur coat, that's cruel."
Haldir snatches the guitar from Rumil and stows it under his arm. "I don't want a fur coat, real or otherwise." He clears his throat and says, "Some characters are not property of Tolkien or his estate, and are being used with the consent of the creator. Zu belongs to Zu and is used with her permission, Corri belongs to Corri and is used with her permission, Zhie belongs to Zhie and is used with her permission, Emmi -"
"Emmi belongs to me!" interupts Rumil, grabbing back the guitar. "Emmi. Is mine." He strums a chord with flourish.
"And if I had a million dollars," begins Orophin again as Elrond tries to sneak past behind them.
"If I had a million dollars,"
"I'd buy you a green dress," Orophin nods to Elrond as he looks over, slightly horrified at the prospect.
Rumil winks at Elrond. "But not a real green dress, that's cruel."
Haldir grabs the guitar once again, hugging it tightly to his chest so that his brothers can not retrieve it. "This work has been done strictly out of love and in the hope that it brings joy to those who read it."
Rumil and Orophin each drop to one knee and sing out, "If I had a million dollars, I'd buy your love..."
"Happy Valentine's Day." Haldir says, winking at the reader.
Erestor crosses his arms. "We don't need feedback. We already know what a brilliant job the ladies did. Isn't that right, Glorfindel." Erestor frows, noticing that Glorfindel is on his knees on the floor. "Fin, what on Middle Earth are you doing?"
"Please send feedback!" begs Glorfindel. "If you send feedback, it will make the ladies very, very happy. And we'll be happy, too."
"You're hopeless." sighs Erestor.
Glorfindel looks up at Erestor. "Have we gotten any feedback yet?"
"No, we have not." Erestor says.
"That's because you're not helping!" shouts Glorfindel, tugging Erestor down to the floor with him.
"It's because the bloody story hasn't even been read yet! We're still in the header!" Erestor pulls himself away from Glorfindel and stomps away.
Glorfindel watches Erestor go, cringing a bit as he hears the door slam, then turns back to the reader. "Remember - we love feedback!" Glorfindel blows the reader a kiss.
Celeborn and Galadriel walk up and sit down on a bench surrounded by trees and flowers. "Archiving is a very important part of the story writing process." Says Celeborn as Galadriel smiles and nods. "A story such as this should be placed in as many places as possible so that the total enjoyment can be spread to many others, thus increasing the overall joy brought forth from this sort of story."
Galadriel nods, then leans forward and adds, "The more places it is, the easier it will be for Celeborn to find it if he needs a boost for his ego or his-" Galadriel simply smiles, but Celeborn gives her an odd look.
"My ego or my what, dearest?"
Galadriel continues to smile, but avoids looking at Celeborn as she scratches the back of her neck and pretends to ignore him.
"Whatever are you referring to?" Celeborn looks at Galadriel quizzically. "Honestly, elleth, I just don't understand you sometimes." Celeborn leaves in a huff.
Galadriel brushes off her dress, waiting for her husband to return, which he does.
"I don't need to archive them for that, I have them all memorized right up here." Celeborn points his finger to the side of his head and Galadriel merely smiles after him as he walks away again.
"For those of us who do not boast photographic memories," says Galadriel, "you will find it archived at The First Homely House of Valinor."
Golradir, Valandil and Aikanáro suddenly appear from thin air, so well hidden in the trees they were. Valandil brushes off his tunic and steps forward, leaning on his bow.
"If you want a summary of the story, we are not the elves you should be asking for that." he admits. "We don't get to prance around Rivendell like the rest of the elves, trying to learn about Valentine's Day and please the ladies."
"Quite right!" says Golradir. "Unlike those elves, we have real jobs." All three of the elves concur with one another on this fact.
Aikanáro nods to the trees. "Come along, now, let's get back to work, then."
"Yes. Back to work."
"Real work."
"Aye."
"Too bad we're out here and not in Imladris." whispers Golradir to the others, to which they respond with, "Aye."
Corri: "I'm so glad I got to work on this lovely little lark with such a wonderful group of ladies. This was a wonderful way to get to know you better! This is the first time I've ever worked on a group fic like this, and it was a lot of fun. A lot of INSANITY, but hey, sanity is boring. ;-) You are all talented girls with great senses of humor! Thank you especially to Emmi for introducing me to Dorindil, and letting me play with him."
Emmi: "I just wanted to say that this has been a blast writing and all that static. Working with such talented people has been a pure pleasure. I also wanted to thank everyone who helped me give life to my creation, Dorindil. Special thanks to CORRI for using him as a romantic figure although he was a challenge. I hope everyone has as much fun reading it as we had writing it! You guys are the absolute BEST!!"
Forest: "It has certainly been a challenge these past few weeks, what with getting this story done and posted and then normal work on the sidelines! LOL! But the good news is, we have done it! Many thanks to everyone that worked on this, you are all great! Btw, do not be disturbed by anything you, the reader, read in my parts of the story. Rest assured that I am just a healthy nut that enjoys writing random and often crazy things. I am also a bit of a romantic at heart so expect a bit of that in here too. Not sugary coated, just lightly dusted! (Although that is pretty obvious since this is a Valentines Story!) *shrugs* Oh well! =D So, there's my two cents. Enjoy the story!"
Idhrenwen: "To cut a long story short: Actually I didn't want to be part of this. I just offered Zhie my help for the twins *sighs* - but writing a story was NOT what I had in mind.... ;-) Over the last two weeks I often asked myself "How did I get landed with all this?" But after all I must admit that it was the best, the funniest thing ever happened to me. For the first time ever in my whole life I wrote (parts for) a story that a) is LOTR fanfiction, b) is not in my first language, c) will be read by others. Apart from that it was an amazing fun to work with the other girls. Even though we all live in different parts of this world and had to handle time differences up to 9 hours we all enjoyed writing the story together and that is what we did - whether one had dinner or another one had breakfast at the same time - we spent loads of hours at our computers, writing parts for the story back and forth and IMed as often as we met each other online - and it worked out so well. It was an incredible fun to IM with Zhie (gosh, she's so silly! *lol*) and the other girls (they're all so silly - wahhhh... I'm innocent, get me out of here! *heehee*)
Uhm, did I really say that I would want this to be cut short? *blushes*
Well, at first I was afraid that my lack of english knowledge would make it impossible for me to write anything for the story - but thanks to my own inexhaustible silliness (oups, sounds almost like a confession of guilt) and brave Lady Zu who read all my parts beta and checked for grammar, spelling and ... err... almost everything (exept my A/N so you can see how much work it was for her to beta-ing my parts for the story). *hugs Zu* I became really fond of all you girls and I'm looking forward to work with you again! *waves*" Kristin: "I just wanted to take a moment and say thanks for letting me join in on this story, and thanks to all the Haldir Lovers for reading it! I still kind of consider myself the new kid on the block around here, but working on this story has given me a chance to get to know fellow members a little better! Everyone in this group is truely wonderful, authors and readers both! I've also enjoyed the chance to work on my writing skills, as I have only written one other short humor fic before attempting this monster fic! It has just been a "barrel full of monkeys" fun! I personally am not a real big fan of Valentines Day, due to too many bad experiences in real life, which transfered in to my character a bit, but it was fun to finally be able to write a happy ending for this holiday! I look forward to getting to know everyone hear better and look forward to writing more fics! I think I have been corrupted! LOL!"
Zhie: "This was one of the best things I have ever worked on in a group. It was so much fun to do. Spending time with everyone - especially all of the late nights with Idhrenwen, which would have been early mornings for her, lol - was great. I remember at one point thinking `this is just like camp!' My God, there's one thing that is always going to remind me of this, and I just can't say what it is because it would spoil it all. Did I mention how much fun this was? Usually, I shy away from self-insertion fics, but now, I'm thinking, what are we going to do for a sequel? Huge hugs to all the other ladies for all the hard work and kisses to the elves for not objecting to what we put them through. Enjoy!"
Zu: "*curtsies* "Well met everyone! I must thank everyone who did first think up the idea to create this story, and those in the group whom I have worked with during this long project. This has certainly been an excellent chance to make new friends and it has strengthened my ability to work with others."
"As far as my part in the story goes, I must say that the way I portray myself in the story is almost precisely how I feel towards Valentines Day in reality. I am not against other people having fun on that day, however, I do truly dislike all aspects of it. I do wear all black (down to the makeup, jewelry, etc.) on that day, and the only thing that could ever cheer me up would be for someone to find me a black silk rose (I can't find any!!)."
"Forgive me if you do not like how I portray either myself or Haldir. Please remember that this is my first REAL attempt at a work of fanfiction (I typically write deep and emotional scripts, not humor writings). Well, I do hope that everyone has as much fun reading this as we have all had with writing this. Enjoy!!"
On stage, Lindir and the ladies are still dancing to the music.
A little bit of Corri in the sun A little bit of Emmi havin' fun A little bit of Forest makes me sigh A little bit of Idhrenwen in the sky A little bit of Kristin we adore A little bit of Zhie singin' by the shore A little bit of Zu written by herself A little bit of you makes me your elf!
When you read through You might find there's something new Because one day They will say "The extended version is on its way!" "
"I don't believe there are any spoilers in the story." Haldir looks around at the rest of the elves and ladies, all of whom are assembled together. Nearly everyone shakes their heads.
"I don't know of spoilers in the story," remarks Elrohir, "but I do know of one in the header!"
"Hush! That doesn't matter." Elladan scolds. "No one knows it is a spoiler - yet - so it doesn't matter."
Elrohir sighs. "Well, I just hope the party responsible is happy. We worked very hard not to mention it."
"You did not." says Glorfindel, crossing his arms.
"Did, too!" answer the twins in unison.
"You most certainly did not." counters Glorfindel.
"Please, everyone," Celeborn says, raising his hands to quiet the crowd. "What does it matter? The story is about to begin, and no one truly knows that-" A mass of hands cover over Celeborn's mouth.
"Celeborn the Wise?" asks Erestor, raising a brow.
Celeborn shrugs as everyone removes their hands. "I'm having an off day."
"Everyone, I bid you to enjoy the story presented, and to all of the members at the Haldir Lovers group," Haldir waits for the whole group, and everyone shouts, "Happy Valentine's Day!"
Legolas scowls through the whipped cream and chocolate pudding. "I hate you."
"The feeling is mutual." Dorindil turns back to the reader and continues. "The second part was that although writing a work by yourself was just fine, writing as a group was encouraged. This was to promote the bonding of members, and to get those who would not normally work together to do just that." Dorindil scoops up some pie from the Legolas's shoulder and sucks it off of his finger. "I think the results were just delicious. Don't you, Legolas?"
"I still hate you." Pouts Legolas, but he too scoops off some of the pie and sticks his finger into his mouth.